There are days when I fly off the handle, not because I am ill-tempered or even really that angry. Today seems to be another of those days when I have bounced between complete and utter joy, anger, disappointment, and just plain shaking my head, not believing what I am seeing around me.
Zayden is growing and developing new skills almost daily, filling me with utter joy. Each time we take him to see another of his doctors, the doctor is amazed at the changes in Zayden and how he is exceeding their expectations. No words can express how proud I am of this little guy as he shows me and the world that he is amazing. This week, he has shown us that he is quick to solve what he considers an inconvenience that others won't give him his way on.
Zayden has started blowing kisses and trying to give kisses when someone kisses him. When we moved his O2 sensor from his foot to his finger, he continued to point his finger at anyone near, growling at them as if he were stating, "take this thing off my finger." On the second day of not getting someone to take the sensor off, this little guy flipped the tape holding the sensor on inside out and pulled the sensor and tape off, throwing it aside all the while smirking at us as we looked to see why his monitor was going off.
Additionally, this little guy finally figured out he has to pull his arm out from under him when he wants to lie completely on his tummy. Now, we are on high alert for him to start rolling all over the place. Crib sides up alert is finally here at 10 1/2 months old. This little guy brings so much pleasure and happiness to our lives, but also triggers anger and disappointment. Not due to him or his actions, but due to the reactions of others towards him and about him.
How can anyone not be excited and not want to be around this little guy every moment of the day? How can anyone expect to learn how to take care of him and what his needs are with spending just a few precious hours over a few days to be enough? Why is a title important but not the very reason you have that title? What right do you have to bounce in and out whenever you feel like doing so, ignoring any sense of responsibility of even a simple phone call to let others know you are still alive? Do you not understand how this impacts this sweet, innocent child who recognizes you but never knows when a trip for a box of donuts will once again be more important to you than spending time with him? Will you leave this little guy to figure out on his own that he can't count on you to be here when he learns the next new thing to share his achievement?
The disappointment kicks in because I know all too well how precious and fleeting these moments are. I fought like hell, going through unimaginable hell, to gain even a few of those precious moments, while others took every opportunity to keep those moments from me, yet I watch day after day as you throw these moments away while stating to the world what the title grants you means everything to you. Zayden should be your first thought upon waking, your last thought every night, and should always be the reason you tell others you have to go because the most important person in your life is waiting for you to return home to him. He should never be an afterthought, only important when there is no one else, nothing else to take up your time, or just a title to show off to your so-called friends and associates.
Once again, my heart breaks for this precious little man who loves and thrives on cuddles, attention, and enjoys touches. Zayden has developed his routine that he has slowly trained those around him to accept and enjoy as they learn his likes and dislikes, what each of his looks (sometimes glares) indicate he wants, and what his favorite positions to sit or lie in are. All you need to do is spend time with him consistently. Zayden is not a toy to be played with when the fancy strikes, and a toy to be placed on the shelf when you have better things to do.
The shaking of my head because I can't believe what I'm seeing happen around me falls into play lastly. What are normal activities for a normally developing child that Zayden is figuring out are huge accomplishments for him, yet others brush these accomplishments off as if they would brush off a piece of lint stuck to their shirt front. It's sad because I want to throw a party every time he shows us a new ability, while others remain disinterested until it's time to throw their title around to show off for others who pop in and out of their lives. They fail to allow Zayden his God given right to bond and be the center of their world as they should be for him.
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