Today brings a whirlwind of emotions as I reflect on the absence of your presence, Zayden. It has been 21 days since you left our world, yet we are still waiting for the State Medical Examiner's office and the Funeral Home to bring you back to us. Christmas passed without its usual lights and laughter, replaced by broken hearts and an empty void. Now, New Year’s Eve has arrived, stripped of its joy and excitement. Even Mother Nature seems to echo the sorrow in my heart, as a sudden cold swept across Florida, mimicking the chill that has settled deep within me.
Grammie is doing everything she can to stay occupied, keeping my mind and body busy in the process. I've been taking every work assignment I can find, just to avoid being at home. Walking into the rooms we once shared is still unbearable—they are filled with your presence, yet your spirit is missing. Everything feels hollow without you here. In the stillness, I wrestle with finding purpose, or I lose myself in tasks that distract me from the emptiness that floods my heart since the day I had to let you go. I’ve found some solace in listening repeatedly to the *Fourth Wing* series (you were named after the main character), allowing me to hear your name often. @RebeccaYarros’ character, Xaden Riorson, reminds me so much of you. He battles overwhelming odds, protecting those he loves, sacrificing his safety and happiness for the sake of others. In *Onyx Storm*, his ultimate sacrifice—giving up parts of his soul, his home, and the love of his life—resonates deeply with me.
During your short but meaningful life, you brought immense joy to everyone around you. Your presence was a gift, and your impact was profound. You gave Grammie the vindication she needed to quiet years of self-doubt and guilt, offering her the closure she longed for. You gave me the incomparable gift of loving you, leaving me with memories so precious they are etched into my heart forever. Even in the pain of losing you, your life and the strength I saw in you have given me a renewed sense of purpose. I promise to honor your memory every day and build a legacy worthy of your sacrifices—sharing your remarkable, impactful story with the world and ensuring that your light continues to shine brightly in our lives.
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